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    1. Piss your name in the snow?
      *finger paints “I love Kelta” on Jonesy’s computer screen with own fecal matter*

    2. Did someone say ‘naked jumping jacks’?
      *is remembered by people as ‘kind, loving, totally not a dick at all’*

    3. Use penis as a ball bat while Gren tosses snowballs?
      *neglects to tell Gren the bull semen she drank was weapons grade and that she’ll soon turn into a slobbering sex crazed minotaur*

    4. Stand outside with your mouth open catching snowflakes?
      *shits in hand and wipes it on the front of Jonesy’s Monopoly-man-looking burial tuxedo*

    5. Do bong hits?
      *flips thru an old Playboy with Pamela Anderson as the centerfold and wishes she had posed for Hustler so he could see some pink*

    6. What do you think that the green thing on the ice is for?
      *jacks off violently while watching Dora the Explorer*

    7. Yeah! Go sledding!
      *coldly observes Gren’s nose begin to bulge and two knobs begin to sprout on her forehead; strips naked and takes a large bottle of Jagermeister from freezer; gets in coffin and insists he should go sledding first; as he’s speeding away down a hill and chugging the bottle of Jagermeister, he wonders just how sexy a female minotaur would be; would she have human tits or udders*

    8. Slam into a huge hidden snow-covered rock with your sled?
      *gets up and brushes the snow off his naked ass; curses neighbor kids for gawking; tosses empty Jagermeister bottle at them; walks back into funeral home; sits on Jonesy’s shit-stained chest and asks Kelta to help pinch the silicone out of his penis because it really itches*

    9. Yeah! Reanimate someone’s corpse?
      *emits a highly toxic steaming fart onto Jonesy’s chest; barfs up Jagermeister; smurf licks up vomit; Jonesy begins to rouse; Gren burps up her cud and begins to chew it; Kelta screams and then gets the silly giggles again*

    10. Technically, does Jonesy give a shit?
      *Jonesy gets up and gets another bottle of Jager out of the freezer; we all sit down on the couch next to Grenola; we peel her bra off, pinch and thump her hardened teats; Gren nonchalantly continues to chew her cud, occasionally flicking out her huge cow tongue, jabbing it up one nostril and then the other; Smurf announces that we should all get ready for work; we all howl laughing, knowing that none of us worthless fucks have jobs*

    11. Say screw it and sleep late?
      *Fred is awakened by his cat Kitty Puss sticking her cold nose to his; gets up and starts for the kitchen to make get some coffee; grasps his ass and wonder if he was ass raped by a cactus during the night; tries to remember some strange dream that he was having just before waking up; sees that the power has been off and the clock on coffee maker is slow; says screw it; reaches in the freezer, bypassing the weapons grade bull semen and grabs a bottle of Yagermeister; logs onto EpicWin; sees Gren pissing on a calf*

  1. Definately a win for coolness, but I can’t help but think how big of a win a video would be the first time someone gets checked into those short boards and faceplants on the ground.

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