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  1. The rare, venomous, Agosian snapping turtle. She would be fine for several hours after this photo, then her internal organs and muscles would start to liquefy and the pain centers in her brain would all fire simultaneously at 100% rate for 3 hours, after which she would die, leaving a horribly stinking, fetid, corpse, like the smell of 15 advanced cases of terminal pyorrhea that would require the demolition and burning of that wing of the hospital, and relatives weeping and wailing, not because of her death, but because they can’t get within 300 yards of her gravesite without puking all over 50 neighboring tombstones.

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